Heather can only be described with superlatives. - Heather was once the world's finest figure skater. Tonya Harding, envious of Heather's style, grace and power on the ice, once started a fight with her. The ensuing brawl was no contest (Heather doesn't suffer fools gladly), and was described by Maxim magazine as the "palest, blondest, sexiest girl-on-girl action of all time."
- At Penn State, America's #1 party school, Heather found the ultimate sport for her in ultimate frisbee. The PSU women's team was named after the Egyptian goddess Isis, the patron deity of various skills, including shotgunning and boatracing.
- On any given team, Heather invariably possesses the most precise flick and the most decisive backhand. She is also the most likely to forget to eat, as she's too focused.
- Off the field Heather applies her keen sense of logic to legal matters, earning her the nicknames "Hammer of Justice," "Resolver of All Disputes" and "You Just Got Served."
- When drunk, Heather becomes the giggliest, giddiest conversationalist. If you're easily embarrassed it's best to avoid playing hot seat when she's around, however, as she will cross-examine the crap out of you.
And there you have it. Heather Wolnick -- truest friend, first-rate teammate, superwoman.
by Steffi Wu
by Steffi Wu
